I'll admit it, I am very biased. My opinion is that if you have kids and you can afford it, you should make every possible effort to stay at home and raise your children. I could name millions of articles that mention the benefits of having a mom that's at home for their children, but not one that tells you why it's better for a kid to have a mom at work. Although I have met lots of moms that believe that they would rather be gone all the time and be happy, then at home and depressed. (Even though the moms that claim that staying at home is depressing have never really tried it for more than a few months).
I also think that whether a spouse can afford to stay at home or not, is something that one should carefully consider since we live in a world where the line between wants and needs is growing ever so thin.
I have been told before that I am lucky to have a husband that can support our lifestyle with just his job. But looking at things from the inside I also know that we have made great sacrifices in order to keep things as they are. In 6 years of marriage we have had cable TV only a few months, and we still juggle our life of a family of four with only one car. It's a safe and reliable one at least.
My heart goes out to those women that are raising children on their own or that have spouses that refuse To work and make a living for their family. I do know that there are circumstances where there is truly no other option available.
On the other side, I often feel sad when another person chooses to put work before family. Sometimes women fear that if they don't have a so called job, a career that defines them and their level of intellectuality based on how the world ranks different jobs, they will be worth nothing.
So we all go on in life, both and men And women, seeking that awesome career that will make us feel worth higher and better. And the harder and higher the career the better we feel about ourselves.
That's where I want to make the point of this article. I have come to learn in my life that there is something that every woman has in common in this life. That is that we are daughters of God. Being divine beings makes it so that each and every one of us has the potential to become as smart and intelligent and perfect as our Heavenly Father is. Once we understand that, it almost eliminates the need to ever compete for anything here in this life since at the end of the day, we all have the same potential and privilege to become the best of the best. Some of us may have the chance to get really close to that point during this life time, some won't get even close to it. But it doesn't even matter since we will all some day die and God will do the rest for us by making us perfect through His son Jesus Christ.
On the other hand, understanding this part has also taught me something else. I have learned to not let a dollar amount that I earn per month, determine my self worth and value on this earth. Just because this world doesn't give me a paycheck at the end of the month to feel good about myself, or nobody gets to see and praise all my wonderful accomplishments in life does not mean that what I do while I am at home with my children isn't ambitious or productive.
I sometimes meet business entrepreneurs that mention to me that I am very smart and that I should be doing what they are doing. Is as if they were almost surprised that a person that chose to raise children instead could be so intelligent, and as if my intelligence was somehow being put to waste. I truly believe that this is not the case at all.
I may have not worked a day of my life in the past three years according to what this world thinks and a lot of people think, but I know that I have HUSTLED day and night, Monday through Sunday, since the day that my first son was born.
To anyone that may think that it was just an easy decision for me because I just love children so much and I always wanted to be a mom anyways, I want you to know that I always had a list of dreams and educational goals that I wanted to accomplish. I was among the top three students in my high school class. I graduated from High School in the Canary Islands and started college in the United States after taking only four months of English Lessons. I may have never held a very ambitious major because of that, but I managed to graduate from a university with people that lived their whole life speaking and studying in English while also holding a job at the same time. And even though going to college could have been already enough I had a list of other 3 more schools that I wanted to attend afterwards. I always felt it in my heart that if I could just complete all of the education that I wanted I would have felt invincible and I would have been done. But I decided to stop there instead. Because I decided that I had had enough ME time and it was time for me to dedicate my life so that someone else could have a beautiful life like the one that I had already had so far.
It took me some time to also realize that my life was not going to be over for taking 18 years off to dedicate to someone else.
I find joy in the fact that I know that I may start a career at any time of my life. But I have also learned that I can only start a family during a few years of
my life. I know that some day my kids will be gone. And I know that will be the day when I will be able to pick up right where I left off with all of my dreams and accomplishments.
Of the biggest regrets that man has when they die, one of the top ones is the desire to have worked less and have spent more time with family and friends. I think this would apply really well to ai father as much as to a mother.
My life isn't over for being a stay at home mom. My dreams have not all been put on hold because of my children. Growing up I secretly always wanted to be a model. A few months before I got pregnant with our first son I had the chance to meet with a model agency. I was told that they liked me, but I dropped everything once I decided to get pregnant with Davide. It wasn't until a few months ago when I got to shoot a video for my LDS church that after I was done, I burst into tears when I realized that my dream had been granted to me and it came through the most beautiful and meaningful video that actually has a message of hope for people that are out there. Never in my life had I thought that I could actually do
modeling having had children or being able to keep modest clothing, and without having to sell some product. (That was also another reason why I had never pursued that dream. But that's a story for another day).
I recently got my real estate license that I can use to help
out my husband and it's something I can occasionally do while tagging along my children with me so that they also learn where money comes from.
I often come up with business ideas and templates of things that I would like to do and that could make us so rich. I always write down the good ones. But I have also learned that those things will come some day. But I cannot let them get in the way of me being there for my children during the cross ways of life. When they come home from school. When they have a rough day. When they can't seem to accomplish a task at home. I Would rather spend 18 years at home even wondering why I'm just there Half the time, but to know that I will be there even if it is for one split second of my life s children when they truly needed me, than to be gone every day at work and to risk to miss out on that one special moment when I was needed the most. I want to be there when my children say their first word. I want to be the one that teaches them manners and what life is all about. I want my children to know that family comes first and to show it by choosing to stay at home when I have that option available to me. I can say that family is number one, but I will not have proved it until my actions actually show it.
Now, are there moms that stay at
Home all day and still manage to be poor moms. Absolutely. But failure in the home is the biggest failure in your life.
I have learned through my years of a mom to appreciate how strong I am. I feel the most accomplished woman in the world knowing that I don't need a rigorous work schedule to have discipline in my life and be productive. Being at home you are a self-employed person and it is up to you to show yourself how well you can perform your own desired task. I have learned to appreciate so much that I can read books and books without needing a school professor that tells me what to read and sets his own deadline for me. I have learned that I can stay up folding laundry until 1 am without the need of a boss that tells me that I need to work overtime. I have learned that I can go months without a vacation and working day and night to take care of a newborn to the point that I don't get to shower until its 2 o'clock every day. I have gained more confidence in myself as a person doing that than I would have ever gained having an actual job.
If you ever find yourself wondering if you will ever have the time to do other things once you are a mom, remember that children do sleep too and, well, it's all about good time management skills.
Juggling your time wisely when you are at home all day, is something that is truly up to you. And if you do things right you can still find the time to accomplish things that are for you and that allow you to grow as an individual.
Life is not always all dandy. Often times getting the best results requires doing things that you don't love. That may apply very well also for those that are out there trying to provide and make a living for their family or trying to achieve their dream job. Even dream careers come with their set of struggles. A lot of times the job of a husband or a woman to provide may require him to do something that he doesn't love just to put food on the table.
But if a woman does have the option available to stay home remember that you will be working even if you are at home. And you can find new things that make you feel accomplished and that are more flexible to your family
Schedule.
Being at home I have learned to work without a reward. I have Learned what it means to work when the job Is hard and when the job is easy. I have learned what it means to work even when you don't get paid for it. I have learned that my self worth will not be defined by a paycheck.
I have learned to do something for
the passion of it even if it means that I like scrubbing toilets for a living and I am not afraid to admit it, and to admit that I will never get paid very well for It.
I have learned to trust in myself and my skills. I have learned that I can get fat during a pregnancy and get right back in shape again through heavyduty-workout-sessions at the gym. Just like I now know for a fact that I can leave the career world for my children and go right back to it when they will be grown and be as good as I was yesterday.
I learned that thanks to the experience of being a mother, watch out world because I will have mad working skills. ;)